Newbie In The City

Its been more than three and a half years since I moved in Delhi. Although familiar with its every nook and corner, every place of indulgence. The city amazes me with its huge population, its history with Exotic Edifices, Shrines, Temples and Gurdwaras, its mouth watering delicacies which can seduce you any time. Still I am far away from knowing this city, which has a strange unpredictability, strange silence. With a huge influx of people entering Delhi from other cities, this place mushrooms every second. You simply can’t predict what this city has in offer for you. A hit and run case here or there, extortion and loot if you have a suit. Ah! I forgot to mention you would also find the high ideals of our nation which we have been taught throughout the childhood. The ideas of Democracy, Secularism Blah! Blah! Blah! Not to talk about the disease of Nationalism, which as Albert Einstein quotes “Nationalism is an infantile disease. It is the measles of mankind.”

Coming to the point of writing this blog, I was deeply disturbed from a news item lost somewhere between the Advertisements of HT, about the rape of a 2 and a half year old girl in Delhi. Her mother found blood stains in the victim’s undergarments. I don’t see any hue and cry in the public for this incident unlike the Nirbhaya Case. But I can see the unreal unrest in the public and media regarding Bilawal Bhatto’s remark on Kashmir. Nevertheless life moves on..

For any girl who is thinking about coming to Delhi, Behold! you have a plethora of reasons to worry. Being a girl in Delhi is like a scene from the popular Discovery Channel show “I Shouldn’t be Alive”.  Equivalently for men it’s like being in “Man Vs Wild”, only difference is that you are not Bear Grylls !

I don’t get how can a girl feel peaceful and secure in the conditions where 3 months old baby gets raped, where 3 year old toddler gets sexually abused. There are oodles of potential rapists roaming around her, and if somehow she fits into the societal definition of ‘beautiful’, she has more headaches. According to Census 2011, Sex Ratio in Delhi is 868 i.e. for each 1000 male, there are 868 females, which is below national average of 940. So if somehow we poison all the rapists in Delhi, the natural order of sex ratio will be restored. I am not exaggerating the situation but there will come a time when before leaving for college a mother would say to her daughter, “Beta, Drive Safe and make sure you don’t get raped”

If you are one of those who loves to stereotype people and country then India truly deserves the title “The Nation of Rapes”. People have rather actually become insensitive to the news of rapes. The news of rapes won’t even make a front page headline, excluding the case where rape is a high profile case or if the rape victim is brutally murdered (Nirbhaya Case). Other cases get washed out with the monsoon rains of Delhi. Oh! I forgot it’s the game of the TRPs. Media dances to the whims and desires of the perverted nation.

Do not for a moment think that the male population are not vulnerable in this situation, little boys aged below 10 have suffered sexual assaults to say the least. Leaving a deep psychological impact on their lives. Instead of having the hoarding “Welcome to the Capital of India” at airports and highways it should be corrected to “Welcome to the sexually frustrated Capital of India”.  Delhi looks like a Museum of Perverts, which is nowhere close to the Metro Museum at Patel Chowk. You would find its exclusive members right from the Metros to the downtown alleys of Chandni Chowk or to the corridors of any Boys Hostel. All of them are hungry and sexually starved.

All I can say is “Mad Heart, be brave”….

B R E A T H E

I am still breathing, breathing in and out from the day I was born. With an illusion that this process will go on forever, I advent in life..All my life I feed myself with ignorance and make a grand glass palace out of it..This ignorance breeds and creeps like a wild tempest inside me, threatening my existence. Oh! I wish someday someone comes and pelts a stone to break this grandeur.

Every day comes and goes leaving us rampaged, with mortals falling like pins on the ground...blood oozing and drizzling,but i am assured it will not happen to me. How can something bad happen to me? It's me, the person who has been pampered and nurtured by parents in a cozy warm room..It's happening far away from my sight..I embrace my stubbornness and ignorance.

I think I am pious with five prayers in a day..

I think I am safe with five senses working at a place..

I think I am the fountain head of God's creation..

Oh! These illusions....can be so brutal, like a dagger buried deep in our backs..

One of my favourite quote which aptly describes this situation 
 “I suspect the truth is that we are waiting, all of us, against insurmountable odds, for something extraordinary to happen to us.” ~ Khaled Hosseini

Yeah somehow we all need some hardships in our lives to get a better insight of our true potential.
Let's breathe..!

Free association Writing

This is a thing which i wanted to do for a while. For me Free Association Writing is a way to put on paper everything without thinking while not being worried about its repercussions or whether people like it or not. To throw out all your frustrations, to feel the same ecstasy while listening to your favourite song at full volume, to dance like a drunken lunatic in the middle of a market.
I am listening to one of my favourite songs "The Cave" by Mumford & Sons while i am about to start the free writing...

Its hard to write with free association while typing rather than penning it down on paper. Here's another friday today in a part of the world known as Kashmir. Friday being the prayer day, I am expected to go for prayers at around 13:00 hours .With my summer holidays going these days , there's not much to do but just to stare at your mac for hours with in intervals calls of your mother for lunch or dinner. Sometimes watching movies or other times reading some novel...
Although far from Delhi there's a lot of freshness in the air, a green tinge in everything, being the month of may...and that smell of rain...Ahh! I love it..also the sound of rain striking the roof..
The call of prayer has ironically the most musical effect throughout the day...

Are You Really an "Atheist" ?

Lately I have been reading a lot, thanks to the prolonged holidays. One of the Author which intrigued me was David Foster Wallace. Like his work his life seemed to be more captivating.There was something he had to say for the people who claim that they are "ATHEISTS" .

"In the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship -- be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles -- is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you.”

-David Foster Wallace

My Anguish

The inspirations have mingled,

my weaknesses,has been thy strength.


My sensitivity pours me sweet wine,

without holding on,i see it running wild.


With my shadow,putting a veil between us,

i roam in the lanes of anguish,

as a strayed wanderer in languish.



Seeing my beloved's wine white,

i live for another fight.



-masrur

Hanging Of Collective Conscience

The Hanging of Collective Conscience

I remember in my childhood days, I was a die hard supporter of Indian Cricket Team.People used to taunt me,on my support for indian cricket team. Most of my friends,supported Pakistan cricket team.Even in my family, I was the only supporter of india.Whenever India and Pakistan used to play each other,I remained glued to the idiot box.If India were defeated in some match,there were tears in my eyes.While others around me used to rejoice.Those days I was a child with negligible amount of knowledge about my State's history and India's war against it's so called own people,"Atoot Ang" as they refered to Kashmir.I used to wonder why people around me hate their own country.My parents used to tell stay away from the Armed people on streets(CRPF).They are popularly known as "Indian Dogs" in Kashmir,as my friends used to say.I found it rather bemusing,calling them such names.For me,CRPF people were human beings like us with families.Once ,i remember i had made one CRPF man my friend.Slowly, a feeling of patriotism for my country was rising. I wanted to change the misconceptions of people regarding their own country.Call it my naiveness.
In the summer of 2008,there was a mass agitation regarding some Amarnath Issue.My school remained closed for months.With people from all fields of life,protesting around me,i felt an urge to know my history,to dwell in the past.Around 110 people died during the protest season of 2008, some were in my age group.A mother lost her child in my locality, a son lost his Father in some other locality...Suddenly many tragedies were circling around me.
This process continued in the next summer as well.My perception against my own country changed.I found India as a draconian country.
But there was a other side as well.I went outside kashmir for the first time in 2011,to complete my schooling in Delhi.People of india were very welcoming and loving.My non-kashmiri friends were better than many of my Kashmiri friends.But i found ignorance among them regarding the situation in my state.They were not aware of the ground realities at my home.They didn't know we celebrate republic day and independence day as a Black day,they don't know we sit down when the national anthem is recited,as a mark of protest.
I came to understanding of the fact that why my people chose not to support Indian cricket team,as it was a mark of protest,not because we are affectionate of Pakistan.
On the day of 9th February,2013, i remember coming from my school when i overheard the news of secret hanging of Afzal Guru,based on just circumstantial evidence.The home minister justified the hanging as it fulfilled the collective conscience of the nation.Ya, it fulfilled the collective conscience of India,while it hanged the conscience of people of kashmir.
Although there is no freedom of expression in dummy republic of India,still i will protest against the tyrannical laws of India in my state.I cannot hurl a stone on them,but i certainly can write.
Maybe i have found an answer on my people's stand on India.

In the interest of National Security,India continues to trample on the lives,hopes and aspirations of my people.But indeed the people of India need to know the whole story of Kashmir and as a mark of solidarity protest against the laws implied by India on Kashmir.

Dead Thoughts...

Oh! Son of the hell,rise above the flames. 

The dead and decaying world,seduces you. 

Close your eyes and open your heart. 

The signs are numerous,only the desire is dwindling. 

Come my heart,lets fly in the vast spaces of love, 

how much of this burning?
 
The burning,has made you stone,
 
let you embrace love only then the lust will die...

At the midnight,in my closet,

i m sleeping with my dead heart,
 
to awake,when it resurrects. 

-masrur